Happy 3rd Birthday kiddo, and finally, the final post.

Not sure if anyone is here anymore, but it's time to post the last words. And seeing as it was the kiddo's 3rd birthday this past weekend (WOW), I thought it was appropriate for my last blog post to be words for her.

Thanks for reading - I have so appreciated the support, comments, and great advice. And if you want to stay in touch, I'm blogging over at The Lotto List, when I can find the time. You can also shoot me an email from here, or find me on Twitter @karmasdogma. Until next time...

I wish…

I wish my legs were longer, and looked perfect in skinny jeans.
But I can walk, jump rope, and chase you in the backyard.

I wish my arms were a little less muscular and that they weren’t, ever so slightly, starting to waddle.
But my strong arms allow me to carry you home when you’re too tired to walk, and rock you at night when it’s dark and quiet.

I wish my hair was either straight and long, or curly and fun, rather than somewhere in the middle. And that I didn’t wear a ponytail so often.
But I remember what it was like not to have hair, and to miss my ponytail.

I wish I were more even-tempered, like your Dad. But I’m not. And neither are you. However, I promise you that passion and fire will serve you well in the future.

I wish I didn’t have to pluck, wax, paint, cut, colour, or primp. But in fact, I don’t have to. I choose to. And I’m grateful I have the choice to look however I want.

I wish my bra size was slightly smaller, or that I was perky enough to not even need a bra. But even though I didn’t carry you, I nourished you. And that is amazing.

I wish cancer had never been part of my life. And that my insides worked so I could have felt you kick, and brought you into this world.
But if I had never had cancer, I may never have had you.

And you, Addison Mae, are perfect in every way.
I hope you always remember to be grateful for what you have, and who you are.

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl. You are the best part of me, hands down.

For the love of hand sanitizer...

I *heart* hand sanitizer. Not the smell, or how it drains every last bit of moisture from my hands. No. What I love is how it makes me feel like I'm giving a big middle finger to all the icky germs circulating. Now I know it isn't perfect. In fact, there are some out there who claim it really does little to prevent illness. But to me it's like a little superhero in my purse. And, yes, the kidlet uses it as well (in tiny, toddler-sized doses).

There are many in my life who mock my use (obsession) of hand sanitizer. They make fun of me when I take a pump from the wall-mounted unit at the entrance of the mall - both when I arrive AND when I leave. I don't like touching handles or doors that hundreds of others have touched before me...who knows where their hands have been! And don't even get me started on grocery carts. So.Gross. You can practically see the rota and rhino viruses scurrying across the handles (I have a great grocery cart cover which I use - religiously).

You may think I'm a germaphobe. Maybe I am. But in my defense, my love of hand sanitizer started during cancer treatment, which also happened to be in the height of SARS (staff took your temperature and sprayed your hands at the front entrance of the hospital!) You didn't mess around at that time, and it stuck with me.

Now that the kidlet is in daycare, I have little control over the germs she both picks up and brings home to us. I do my best to get her to wash her hands (yes, I would always choose a good hand washing over sanitizer any day), and disinfect the house when a particularly nasty bug shows up. But I also think it's my job to protect her little growing immune system. So many people have told me, "It's good they catch stuff...it helps build their immune systems." Sure. Ok. But there is evidence the fewer illnesses they get the better - lots of germs don't do any immune system building - they just make everyone miserable for 5-7 days.

We had a very sick winter last year, and this year has been *marginally* better. But we've still done the pneumonia thing once, at least 3-4 colds, and a particularly aggressive stomach bug (which passed through our whole house and jumped to visiting grandparents - sorry about that). We are hanging on for spring. One month...one month...

The reason I'm so craAAAzy about germs is because of the domino effect. It isn't just about the kidlet getting a snotty nose and leaving boogers all over our house, the dog, and us. It's because when she gets sick, she stops sleeping. We're talking night and day - we're up. Which means we also get super sleep deprived, which isn't ideal when you're trying to build a business that is completely reliant on one person - you. Then there's the no daycare trickle effect. If she's sick enough, she can't do daycare. One of the reasons we reorganized our work lives was so I could stay home with her in cases like this. However, now that work is getting busier, if I lose one of my three days I work during the week, I am instantly behind. Which means even if I had two hours of sleep the night before from nursing a sick kid, I'm up until 2 a.m. trying to meet deadlines. Those are really tough weeks, when I long to have no responsibility outside of taking care of my snotty, or barfy, peanut.

So basically, next time you see me buying an extra large bottle of hand sanitizer, don't judge. Or if I opt out of a visit because you or your kid *might* be coming down with something, don't think I'm overreacting. Trying to nurture a kidlet and a business, both which feel like full time jobs a lot of the time, is hard. And all it takes is one little germ to derail the train.

See you in the spring : )

*Crickets*

If anyone is still out there and checking in, I'm sorry for the *crickets* for the past month and a half. Truth be told, I needed a break from writing while I was, uh, writing for work. There's only so much copy in this head of mine!

But I don't feel completely ready to shut it down. After all, this blog has been the most amazing place to capture the kidlet's moments, and to get great advice. And I miss both.

So here's a Coles notes version of what's up with the kidlet and our lives these days:

* She's 2.5 now, still loves to sing, and one of her fave words right now is "No!" (you can watch the clip of us on The Marilyn Denis Show last month to see what I mean)
* What she can say, and how she thinks about the world around her, amazes us daily. Like the other day, when she saw an airplane flying in the sky and told us it was probably heading to the airport. I know that may not seem like a big thing. But we've never really talked about how airplanes land at airports. There's real logic involved in that thought. Every day it's something new. Amazing.
* Parenting feels harder these days. Maybe it's because it's winter, which means we've been down for the count with a bunch of viruses. But she's testing boundaries, and longing for independence, and there are daily battles. Now I know all of this will serve her well in the future, but man, it's exhausting!
* She had her first haircut. And like the little girl she is, she loved every second of the primping and said "yeah!" when they asked if she wanted the pink wash-out dye and sparkles. oh boy...
* We had our first family ski trip and she did awesome for her first time on skis...although the magic carpet ride to the top of the bunny hill *may* have been her favourite part of skiing this year.
* She's still growing like a weed, and everyone who meets her thinks she's at least 3. Guess we'll see how tall she ends up...
* We are really (really) looking forward to spring. It means the germs will die out for another year, and we have some fun stuff planned. Like another 1/2 marathon for the parents, a trip to Maine for a family wedding, and finally, a visit to Victoria to see Gran, Granpa and the Muir-Brown clan. Exciting stuff coming up - just need to get at least one more ski weekend in before the snow melts away...

Hope everyone is doing great. Happy 2011!

Christmas

It's Christmas morning. The house is QUIET. I'm up before even the dog, enjoying a peaceful coffee beside the tree and the Christmas explosion underneath it. Life is good.

Gearing up for Christmas has been oh-so-fun this year. The kidlet is finally starting to get this whole Santa=presents=fun thing. She did draw the line at actually wanting to see him in person, but in a storybook or on TV she's all over it. Now the whole present thing has resulted in at least an extra dozen time outs in the last week, as she thinks anything wrapped is hers. Pretty tough prying a present out of your toddler's hands, especially when she wants to take it to bed : )

I can't actually believe another year's end is here. Wow. "They" aren't kidding when they say time moves fast when you have kids. Like, super fast. But at the same time she's still our little baby girl. Even though there are times when she seems much older and more mature, there are still plenty of reminders that she's only wee. Like when she sings 'Frosty', with this line: "...and two eyes made out of toadddd..."

I'll do a more worthy update of where she's at as we come to the end of 2010, but today all I'm really here to do is to say, "Merry Christmas!" to those who celebrate the holiday. Hope life is good!